THE UGLY CABINET – by Tanis Harms, © 2013

THE UGLY CABINET – by Tanis Harms, © 2013
...use in address bar: churchskits.blogspot.com (HOME)

(developed by Gabe A., Seth D., Alex F., Hannah, F., Holly F., Alicia G., Stephanie R., Hanna V., David V.)

STYLE:
drama/comedy/fantasy (39 pages)

PREMISE:
Three modern children are transported back in time to the 1950s, where they get to know kids of a different era who help them see another style of living.

TOPIC:
family values, finding a balance in life

SCRIPTURE:
1 Cor.1:30, 15:57, Col.3:14, 1 Peter 3:3,

CHARACTERS (line count) DESCRIPTION (wardrobe):
MODERN FAMILY:
(79) AVERY - 15, shallow fashionista (needs purse)
(76) DIANA - 12, driven know-it-all (trendy nerdy)
(56) MATT - 11, jock (sweatband, sweatsuit w/big pockets)
( 5) DAD'S VOICE - could be same actor playing Henry
( 6) MOM'S VOICE - could be same actor playing Meredith
50s FAMILY:
(49) HENRY - 40, goofy, caring dad (suit and tie)
(41) MEREDITH – 38, anxious, loving mom (dress, apron)
(25) SAMANTHA – 16, stifled jock (skirt, bobby socks)
(21) NANCY – 15, nervous fashion-plate (girly dressy)
(42) JUNIOR – 14, nerdy business-boy (slacks, suspenders)
(16) LINDSAY – 9, insecure copy-cat-kid (simple to dressy)

SET: (50s set with living room-dining room)
- 50s TV set, sofa, dining table, 5-8 chairs
- cabinet w/curtains for 3 kids to completely crawl into
PROPS: handful of bills, credit cards, Avery's purse, cellphone; Diana's laptop; Matt's basketball, electronic game & batteries, wallet & 5 dollar bill; homework for 4; Junior's briefcase, notebook & pen, big book, encyclopedia; Henry's newspaper, magazine holder/bin; Meredith's apron, dish towel, stitchwork

SOUND: intro, end; scene changes (one can be church-like); clock ticking, TV variety show.

SCENE 1: dining / living room, dimly light

(Carrying her purse, Avery enters and looks around with disgust, then quickly dials out on her cellphone.)

AVERY:
Marcy! You are not going to believe this! My parents just bought a really LAME house. I mean, TOTALLY LAME! It’s disgusting. The furniture is totally, like, from a tacky museum... Of COURSE they’re going to redo everything. I mean, they better! They promised me all new furniture... What do you mean, you have to go help your mom? Tell her you’re busy?... Fine. I’ll text you.
(hangs up and immediately texts out)
“Already bored...” “L-O-L.”

(Not getting a reply, she decides to look around, afraid to touch anything. Seeing the cabinet with the curtain, she approaches to peek inside, then pauses to text.)

AVERY:
“I repeat - tackiest furniture ever!”

(Carrying her precious laptop, Diana swoops in.)

DIANA:
Quick! Where’s an outlet?! My power is dying!

AVERY:
You mean you’re lifeline.

DIANA:
You should talk. You and your cellphone... What is THAT?

(AVERY peaks behind the cabinet curtain.)

AVERY:
You mean, you don’t know?

DIANA:
Of course I KNOW. I can see that it is a – curtained-off – structurally built-in cabinet.

AVERY:
An ugly cabinet - and it’s gotta go. I just thought maybe I’d find some forgotten treasure inside.

DIANA:
Right, because THAT happens every day.

AVERY:
Well, I’m bored.
(looks at cellphone and texts)
“Getting really bored here, where is everyone?”
(to Diana)
So what’s taking so long?

DIANA:
Mom and Dad are still arguing.

AVERY:
What is it this time?

DIANA:
The moving truck is late. They’re supposed to take the old furniture out and move our new furniture in.

AVERY:
THAT’S a relief! I was beginning to think I’d be stuck with old, ugly furniture.

DIANA:
It’s ALL about you.

AVERY:
Of course it is! Whatever happens to ME is ALWAYS about me, because I am always wherever I am, so, I’m ALWAYS involved!

DIANA:
Sadly, that makes sense.

AVERY:
So where’s Matthew?

DIANA:
He found a basketball hoop.

AVERY:
Of course!... You’re seriously not going to do homework right now?

DIANA:
If I can find an outlet near a table.

AVERY:
You are so lame!
(texting)
“So bored, actually watching my LAME sister.”

DIANA:
“Lame” defines a person who is not in the know, or is incapacitated in some way. Clearly, I am the quintessential person who has it all going on. A few years from now, when I’m CEO or president of some corporate office, you’ll then be calling me “successful” or “brilliant” or - “the bomb!”

AVERY:
Whatever!
(texting)
“Sis now pouring on the extra lame-o.”

(Disgusted, Diana continues to look around for an outlet, while Avery gets down to look into the cabinet.)

AVERY:
Weird. There’s no back to this thing.
(texting)
“Strange and ugly things here.”

DIANA:
I could just move the table.

(A basketball can be heard bouncing, closer and closer.)

DIANA:
Ah, here comes Matt. There goes our peace and quiet.

AVERY:
Hey, let’s hide on him! In here. There’s tons of room.

(Avery motions to the cabinet. Diana agrees and heads for the cabinet with her laptop. As the girls climb in, MATT comes in bouncing the ball, just in time to see them. Parents can be heard arguing off stage.)

DAD’S VOICE:
I told you, they are coming in an hour.

MOM’S VOICE:
It should all be done already! Why didn’t you schedule this properly?

DAD’S VOICE:
I did! Dear!

(Matt rolls his eyes, takes basketball, and crawls into the cabinet with the girls squealing.)

MATT:
Make way! Coming in!

MOM’S VOICE:
So what are we supposed to do for supper?

DAD’S VOICE:
We’ll order in, like we planned.

MOM’S VOICE:
This is ridiculous! As always!

(As Matt sadly closes the curtain behind him, the voices of Dad and Mom stop.)

SCENE 2: same room, but the stage lights brighten

(Matt, Diana and Avery crawl out.)

MATT:
Think they’re finished arguing yet?

DIANA:
Maybe they’re ordering supper – you know – BEFORE the moving trucks get here.

AVERY:
They just better get sushi!... I hope Marcy’s done already.

(Avery sits down to text. Matt bounces his basketball. Diana puts her laptop onto the table. Distraught, Avery walks around looking for a spot to get coverage.)

DIANA:
Matt! Must you do that right now? I want to- Wait a minute, the outlets – they’re all just two-prong. Dad said this house had been re-wired. The entire house is supposed to be smart! All “the latest and greatest.” Now what am I going to do? I have to research data on the economic crisis before I can even write my paper.

(Matt sits down, puts the basketball on the table, and begins to bounce his head on the ball.)

AVERY:
I’m not getting any coverage. I mean, at all. I HATE this house. Mom and Dad should have consulted with me first. Maybe if I went upstairs...

(Avery is about to leave when Henry, Meredith, Samantha, Nancy, Henry Junior with his briefcase, and Linsday enter. Everyone stops short when they see each other.)

HENRY:
Excuse me?

AVERY:
Excuse me! You’re in our house.

HENRY:
Listen, young lady- children, this is our house.

DIANA:
I don’t understand. You don’t remember selling this house to our dad? Thomas Morgan?

MEREDITH:
We would never sell our house! We LOVE our house!
(aside to Henry)
You did not go and sell our house. Did you, Henry... dear?

HENRY:
(thinking maybe it’s a joke)
Are you children pulling some kind of fast one on us?

MATT:
We’re just sitting here, waiting for our supper.

HENRY:
(to Meredith)
Did you invite someone over and maybe just forgot about it?

MEREDITH:
Nooo. Children? Are these friends of yours?

(All four 50s kids shake their heads.)

MEREDITH:
(muttering nervously and thinking)
Oh. Ah. Hmm. Well now.

AVERY:
Awkwaaarrrd!

DIANA:
Look, you can speak with our parents. They should be coming any minute now with our pizza –

AVERY:
Except that, it better be sushi!

JUNIOR:
What is - sushi?

AVERY:
WHAT IS SUSHI?! What do you mean what is sushi?

(Junior speaks while he puts his briefcase onto the table to pull out notebook and pen, remaining poised to write.)

JUNIOR:
I cannot simplify that question any further. Is sushi a new trend on the stock market?

HENRY:
Henry Junior, I’ve told you before, you’re far too young to care about what goes on in the stock market!

DIANA:
Sushi is a Japanese dish, which contains cold rice and bits of vegetables and raw seafood – garnished with vinegar and always accompanied with wasabi. So, no! It’s not something found on the stock market. But Apple continues to do well.

(Junior does not move, confused by the sushi definition, until the last statement. Now he writes it down with keen interest, then looks up curiously.)

JUNIOR:
Apple? As in the fruit? Or is there more to it?

MATT:
Y’all can figure this out. I’m gonna go shoot some hoops.

MEREDITH:
Oh dear, you mustn’t play with guns. It’s too dangerous!

MATT:
(speaks while exiting)
Hoops. As in basketball? What is wrong with you people?

HENRY:
You children do not have the best of manners, do you?

NANCY:
AND you have very strange clothes.

MEREDITH:
Nancy, that isn’t very gracious. Perhaps they cannot afford nicer clothes.

AVERY:
Excuse me?! WE have strange clothes?! Don’t even start. Don’t even– I’ll have you know, I only wear the latest trends. You’re the ones committing the fashion faux pas! I mean, even if you tried doing retro-

SAMANTHA:
Are you all from New York?

(As Samantha folds her arms suspiciously, Lindsay sees this, then copies her. Matt comes right back in.)

MATT:
What’s with the car? It’s like, antique, or something.

JUNIOR:
If you are insinuating that our car is old, I’ll have you know my father very recently purchased it.

(Meredith begins to hum and fidget with her fingers.)

MATT:
Well, it looks old.

HENRY:
It is brand-spanking-new, young man, straight from the factory.

MATT:
Really? So, like a kit-car. So what’s your other vehicle?

HENRY:
OTHER vehicle? Who around here has more than one car?

MATT:
So no SUV?

HENRY:
Is that some kind of new curse word?!

MEREDITH:
Dear, why don’t we step aside and – and discuss things.

AVERY:
Oh! A yelling match is about to begin.

SAMANTHA:
Our parents do not yell.

(The modern kids balk, then observe the parents talking.)

HENRY:
These children are lying about something.

MEREDITH:
Perhaps they were abandoned? What are we going to do with them? We certainly cannot send them to the streets.

HENRY:
I will contact the police. Meanwhile, we’ll just keep them here, safe and calm – like nothing is wrong – until they find the parents or figure out what has happened.

(Meredith nods her agreement. Meanwhile, Diana, Avery and Matt look at each other with confusion and concern.)

DIANA:
(aside to Avery and Matt)
For now, until we figure things out, just go with the flow. Act - like nothing’s wrong.

(Diana, Avery and Matt quickly straighten up with smiles while Henry and Meredith approach them.)

HENRY:
Children! Ah, what are your names?

DIANA:
I’m Diana. That’s Avery, and Matthew. And what are yours?

MEREDITH:
(pointing out each child)
Well, this is Samantha, Nancy, Henry Junior and Lindsay.

HENRY:
We’re Mister and Misses Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorf.

(Seeing Diana, Avery and Matt’s expressions, Meredith smiles apologetically.)

MEREDITH:
You can just call us Mr. and Mrs. W.

AVERY:
THANK - YOU!

HENRY:
(aside to Matt)
Well, Matthew-

MATT:
Matt. I prefer Matt. It’s way cooler.

HENRY:
Matt, do you – do you – really have parents?

MATT:
(quietly)
Of course we have parents. And they should be back very soon now – with food.

MEREDITH:
Well, yes, of course. I’m sure your parents will turn up. And, for now, we will just make the best of things. Okay?

MATT:
So there WILL be supper?

MEREDITH:
Maybe they haven’t eaten in a while.
(back to the kids)
It’s a little early. But if you children are that hungry, I can go prepare supper already.

NANCY:
(twirling her hair)
Do you want me to help, Mom?

LINDSAY:
(copying)
Do you want me to help, Mom?

(The modern kids balk at this offer.)

MEREDITH:
Thank you for the offer, darlings, but for today, please stay right here and entertain our visitors.

(Meredith quickly exits stage left. All stand around awkwardly looking at each other.)

AVERY:
So, are you in the entertainment business?

HENRY:
Maybe you children have homework to do?

AVERY:
No.

DIANA:
Yes! Except that I can’t! You don’t have three-prong outlets, and my laptop is completely dead.

HENRY:
That is the strangest excuse I have ever heard. Now, get to your homework. All of you! Ah- I have a phone call to make.

(50s kids dash off to get their books.)

HENRY:
Neat!

(As Henry exits to the kitchen area. Matt, Avery and Diana quickly huddle to discuss their plans.)

MATT:
Neat? Ohhh, this is so messed up.

AVERY:
Just, what are we to do?

DIANA:
Just keep pretending. Here, sit with me.

MATT:
But they’re calling the police on us.

DIANA:
That’s okay. We’ve done nothing wrong... I think. But regardless, hopefully Mom and Dad get here soon, and this will all get sorted out.

AVERY:
I’ve never wanted to see Mom and Dad so badly. Should we be afraid of these people?

DIANA:
They’re weird, but they don’t appear to be dangerous. Just don’t say or do anything that might upset them.

(50s kids enter and sit down at the table with homework. Henry returns with a newspaper and sits down to read.)

MATT:
So why isn’t your dad at work?

SAMANTHA:
It’s Saturday.

LINDSAY:
It’s Saturday.

JUNIOR:
(studying laptop)
What a strange briefcase.

DIANA:
Have you’ve never seen a laptop before?

JUNIOR:
So, it’s some sort of briefcase that turns into a little desk for your lap?

DIANA:
Suuurrrre.

(Diana notices Henry opening up his newspaper.)

DIANA:
You still get hardcopy?! There’s electronic news, you know.
(walks over to examine the front page)
Nothing on the eco-system? Do you people at least recycle?... “McDonalds – the NEW fast food concept gains popularity...” McDonalds isn’t new. Wait a minute!
(seeing the date, ripping the paper away from Henry)
September 24th – 19 - 55 ? ! 1955?!

(Meredith rushes in to see what the commotion is.)

DIANA:
1955?! 1955?! It can’t be, but it says 1955... Are we being punked?! Or, maybe you just like reading old news!

Meredith:
Oh, honey, dear, you must – really - calm yourself.

DIANA:
How can I calm myself when it is – 1955?! No wonder.

MATT:
Cool! You mean, we time-travelled?

AVERY:
Not cool! How do we get back?

MEREDITH:
Get back to where, dear?

DIANA:
Get back to (the current year).

JUNIOR:
Time travel is a fictitious concept.

SAMANTHA:
Maybe they escaped from an insane asylum.

DIANA:
We are NOT insane. We– okay– it may SOUND a little insane-

MATT:
Look, we went into that cabinet over there, and when we came out, we were here. Same place, just a different time.

DIANA:
So we just have to go back into the cabinet. That should take us back.

(While talking, Matt climbs in, then Diana, then Avery.)

MATT:
Awesome! It’s been real, folks. See ya.

AVERY:
I’m so relieved. I haven’t been able to text for 15 minutes.

(The 50s family stands aside to watch. They are motionless except for Nancy who twirls her hair around a finger. Lindsay notices, then copies her. After a bit, Avery, Diana and Matt climb back out and are exasperated when they see the family still there – watching.)

AVERY:
Awkwaaard! I can’t believe it didn’t work! So embarrassing.

DIANA:
Maybe it’s all just a bad dream?

(Matt pinches Diana who winces big. Meredith rushes over.)

MEREDITH:
No-no – no - no, dear, mustn’t ever pinch a girl.

HENRY:
(to Matt)
Say you’re sorry, young man.

MATT:
What? But I was just –

HENRY:
Please, apologize to your sister.

DIANA:
He was just making sure I was awake.

HENRY:
Odd as that sounds, there is no excuse for such behavior. Now, apologize. We will have no violence in this house.

MATT:
(smirking)
I’m sorry, Diana.

DIANA:
(mocking)
I forgive you, Matthew.

HENRY:
Good. Now doesn’t that feel much better?

MEREDITH:
Perhaps we’ll all feel better after eating something. Supper is ready.

(Meredith hms as she turns around and leads the way to exit SL. 50s family follows. Samantha notices that the modern kids are stumped.)

SAMANTHA:
Aren’t you coming?

AVERY:
You all eat together?

SAMANTHA:
Yes, in the kitchen, like a normal family.

(Samantha leaves. As modern kids follow, Diana comments.)

DIANA:
There is nothing normal about this family.

MATT:
How will we ever get back?

AVERY:
How will I ever get through one day without my hair-straightener! All my clothes, shoes, makeup, iPad, my virtual workout program!...

(Lights dim as all exit stage left.)

SCENE 3: same room, lights come back up

(All enter from SL, Matt first, patting his stomach.)

MATT:
That was like eating at Grandma’s. I’m stuffed.

AVERY:
I wanted sushi!

HENRY:
Thank you, my wonderful Meredith dear, for yet another wonderful meal.

(Henry blows a kiss Meredith’s way. She catches “the kiss” with a smile. Diana and Avery look at each other smirking.)

MEREDITH:
Thank you, everyone, for helping to clean up.

(Meredith hums as she gets out some stitchwork.)

MATT:
So does she cook like that often?

SAMANTHA:
Everyday!

LINDSAY:
Everyday!

MATT:
Weird. But, awesome.

(Matt picks up the basketball and starts to bounce it. Meredith begins to wring her hands with worry.)

MEREDITH:
Oh! No-no - no basketball in the house, please. Something could break- Someone could get hurt.

MATT:
But I’m really good at dribbling, see?

(Matt continues, but Henry sits up and forward to lecture.)

HENRY:
Now, listen here, Matt, you need to respect those around you. Okay? A family should always strive together to live in harmony. If everyone tries, then everyone can enjoy.

(Sighing, Matt takes out an electronic game and starts to play. 50s family becomes very fascinated by this until Matt hits it a few times and shrugs.)

MATT:
Ahhh, battery died, and I don’t have my recharger with me.

AVERY:
My cellphone has games too. I’d show you, but, my battery is really running low.

JUNIOR:
(opening up laptop)
Huh! Nifty. It sort of looks like a typewriter. Where do you put the paper in?

DIANA:
Careful. And, look, you have to connect it to a wireless printer. This is just the computer, screen and keyboard.

JUNIOR:
I have heard of computers. But they take up entire rooms.

DIANA:
They used to. Now, I mean, in the future, everyone will have them. See, with power, the screen lights up. Then, as you type, the letters appear. You can edit, and save it. Come back and edit again. Then print it out. Or you can attach it and just send it somewhere by email.

MEREDITH:
Dare I ask what “email” is? These children sure do have imaginations.

JUNIOR:
So no wires? I’ve heard of wireless telegraphs. But they just use Morse Code. Is it the same thing?

(Avery pulls out her cellphone.)

AVERY:
We use some codes with texting. Just type out a message, send it, to a friend, or a group of friends. Then they can send messages back to you. Back and forth, anytime, anywhere. So, you don’t even have to see your friends, but it’s like they’re right there with you. Of course, then there’s video chat!

MEREDITH:
Aw darling, do you only have imaginary friends?

NANCY:
Do you need a friend? It sounds like you need a friend.

AVERY:
I have friends. I have over 400 friends on social media.

NANCY:
Is that like a pen pal club?

AVERY:
Yes! It actually is.

NANCY:
Well, I can be your friend. And, if you want, I could fix your hair-

AVERY:
You’re not touching my hair! And if I had my tunes and headphones, I’d totally tune you out.

HENRY:
Oooo-kay! It’s nice to pretend that you can do all of that. There must be a very fancy toy store somewhere.

JUNIOR:
It’s like you’re all from another planet, like that one science fiction movie that just came out.

MATT:
Oh, you’re into sci fi? I suppose you like Star Wars.

DIANA:
(to Matt)
That first movie only came out in the 70s.

MATT
Could we at least watch a movie. Do you even have a TV?

SAMANTHA:
Of course we do!
(suddenly pleading politely)
Mom, Dad, can we please watch some television?

NANCY:
Please? “Lawrence Welk” is on right now.

LINDSAY:
Please?

AVERY:
You have to ask permission?

NANCY:
The ladies on the show wear such glamorous evening gowns, and the men look so spiffy.

AVERY:
(laughing)
Spiffy?

MEREDITH:
I don’t see why not, dear. We can certainly use a little distraction and break from this conversation.

(Lindsay rushes over to the TV and turns it on.)

MATT:
That’s the TV? You don’t even have a remote?

HENRY:
How far away do you want it?

(Matt looks at Diana for answers, but instead she shrugs.)

MATT:
How long does it take?

HENRY:
Like every other television set, it has to warm up. This one warms up fairly quickly, though. Probably in... ah, just ahh few more... ssseconds... Aaaannnnd – wait a minute– aaaand - theeerre –THERE it is.

(Sounds effects of a show can be played.)

MATT:
Wow!

HENRY:
I know! Fast, isn’t it?

MATT:
And your color is off.

DIANA:
Matt, most people only had black and white back then.

MATT:
Oooh. Well, do you at least get ESPN - BTV – stations that only show sports –

SAMANTHA:
I prefer basketball.

HENRY:
I don’t know what you’re saying. We only have 3 stations.

MATT:
So, no streaming services?

MEREDITH:
Wow! These children! How much more can they make up?

MATT:
Well, this is boring. Someone wanna go shoot hoops. Ah, play some one on one? Ah, play some basketball?

SAMANTHA:
Okay.

MEREDITH:
Oh, dear, you shouldn’t be playing basketball with boys. You might get hurt.

MATT:
It’s a noncontact sport. What’s the big deal?

MEREDITH:
Oh dear oh dear oh dear, it’s not very ladylike.

HENRY:
Junior, don’t you want to play basketball with Matt?

JUNIOR:
(picking up a big book)
Dad. I’m reading right now.

(Samantha looks at Meredith with pleading eyes. Meredith still mutters, so Samantha looks to Henry.)

HENRY:
(to Samantha and Matt)
Just be careful and take it easy.

(Samantha jumps up growling. Matt gets his basketball.)

MATT:
Easy-peasy. And I’m gonna win!

SAMANTHA:
Unless I do.

MATT:
(walking backwards)
No, I mean, I likes to win. ALWAYS.

SAMANTHA:
So do I!

(Matt and Samantha exit. Nancy points at the TV.)

NANCY:
So graceful. That evening dress is absolutely marvelous.

AVERY:
It’s okay. At least, it’s classic.

NANCY:
So classic.

LINDSAY:
Soooo classic.

(Avery looks at Lindsay and rolls her eyes. Bored and hopeful, Avery sneaks out her cellphone to look at it.)

NANCY:
Oh, did you get a letter from your imaginary friends?

AVERY:
I’m just trying to be nice here.

NANCY:
I’M trying to be nice.

LINDSAY:
I’m trying to be nice.

MEREDITH:
Girls, please, try be nice!

AVERY:
(quietly)
I am.

LINDSAY:
(quietly)
I am.

NANCY:
Oh, Lindsay only copies the people she looks up to.

AVERY:
Interesting.

LINDSAY:
Interesting.

AVERY:
But, so annoying.

HENRY:
Okay!... Girls, time to get some fresh air. Outside. Now.

(Nancy and Lindsay get up to leave. At Henry’s serious nod to get going, Avery reluctantly puts her cellphone away and joins the girls. Diana gets up, but she looks over at Junior and approaches him.)

DIANA:
What are you studying?

JUNIOR:
Economic ramifications of hoarding versus over-spending in juxtaposition to government control.

DIANA:
So very pertinent! It’s a fine balance between over-legislation and deregulation. But accountability is obviously required or there would be complete anarchy.

JUNIOR:
Say, we are two peas in a pod, aren’t we?

DIANA:
Naw aw!

(Nancy rushes in with Lindsay and Avery following. Nancy holds part of her dress out to show Meredith.)

NANCY:
My dress! My favorite daytime dress!

MEREDITH:
It’s not the end of the world! It’s just a bit of dirt.

HENRY:
They’re just clothes, Nancy.

(Nancy and Avery both gasp. Lindsay quickly adds her gasp.)

AVERY:
Clothes represent and reflect who you are? And I – just happen to be – a person who likes clothes.

JUNIOR:
(without looking up)
So profound.

MEREDITH:
I would hope that all you girls would strive for something a little more fulfilling.

DIANA:
Like intelligence.

JUNIOR:
Although, there aren’t any girls as smart as I am.

DIANA:
Is that so? Is that a challenge?

(Samantha bursts through the door with the basketball, gloating. Matt follows angrily behind, then grabs the basketball away from Samantha, who growls.)

SAMANTHA:
I won! And I think he’s just angry that a girl beat him.

AVERY:
Psh! That’s happened before. He just can’t stand losing. Ever! It doesn’t matter what or who he’s playing.

SAMANTHA:
Who in the world likes to lose?

HENRY:
Well, part of being a good sportsman is knowing how to lose graciously.

MEREDITH:
I say, it’s time for everyone to start getting ready for bed. We all have church tomorrow morning. Bright and early.

AVERY:
Oh, we don’t go to church.

HENRY:
Well in this house, everyone will go to church.

MATT:
You don’t have to work?

HENRY:
Sunday is a day of rest, young man.

MEREDITH:
Now before there’s any resting – where will they all sleep? Let me first go upstairs and start organizing the rooms. Henry, I’ll need you to help me move some furniture.

HENRY:
I’m right behind you. Kids, come and help your mother organize your rooms.

(Meredith and Henry exit SL, with Junior, Nancy, Samantha and Lindsay all following. Once they are gone, Diana, Avery and Matt all turn to each other.)

DIANA:
We have got to get out of here.

MATT:
They’re all driving me nuts.

AVERY:
And it’s cramping my style.

DIANA:
Wow! It’s been a while since we’ve all been in agreement. Okay, so first, let’s see how much money we all have. If there’s enough, we could stay at a hotel, or something.

AVERY:
There’s no way we have that much.

DIANA:
This is the 1950s. Things didn’t cost that much back then.

(While Avery looks through her purse, Matt pulls out his wallet, and Diana finds a five-dollar bill in a pocket. Junior walks in at this point.)

DIANA:
I only have a five.

JUNIOR:
You can all come up now - you have FIVE dollars? Five whole dollars?

DIANA:
Sh. We don’t want your parents to know.

JUNIOR:
Know what? That you’re rich? Or you’ve been robbing banks?

AVERY:
Let’s see, I have – 40.

JUNIOR:
40 dollars?!

MATT:
I have... 265. But this was going to buy me new sneakers!

(Diana collects the money to count.)

JUNIOR:
You can buy a good pair of sneakers for three dollars at the Five and Dime. If you don’t hold up banks, where do you get that kind of money? What kind of chores do you do? I get 5 cents for mowing the grass.

MATT:
Is that 5 cents for each blade of grass?

JUNIOR:
I’d like to get a real job right now, but Dad says I’m far too young. See! I want to start working and saving now, so I can earn a million dollars before I die.

DIANA:
A million isn’t all THAT much.

JUNIOR:
What are you talking about? So then what? You get a Saturday’s allowance? So, your parents spoil you!

(Samantha walks in and listens to the conversation.)

AVERY:
We don’t get allowance. Whatever we want, we just ask.

JUNIOR:
So you’re REALLY spoiled.

SAMANTHA:
Wait, so who does all the house chores?

MATT:
Our parents.

SAMANTHA:
You don’t help them at all?

AVERY:
Why should we? It’s their house.

SAMANTHA:
But you live there, too. Aren’t your parents really tired? Oh boy, they must be very cranky.

AVERY:
I guess that would only add to their stress-level.

DIANA:
Anyway, we have 310. That could last us a while. We can’t stay here. I know, I’d be mad if some strange kids wound up living with us. Taking up our space, and using our things.

SAMANTHA:
But – my parents really want to help you. Besides, where else would you go? You’ll run out of money eventually, and then what? You’d have to get jobs.

AVERY:
Ew! I don’t want to have to work.

DIANA:
Well, this would only last us a while if we were super careful. And I mean, making our own meals, buying secondhand clothes!

AVERY:
You’ve got to be kidding me!

JUNIOR:
(eying the money)
Ah, is that money from a board game? It looks counterfeit.
(taking a closer look)
For one thing, there’s a bit of color on them. And the dates are – 2012, and 2026, and... Nnnoooohhhhh...

SAMANTHA:
So, you really – you really are – from the –

JUNIOR:
There’s no way! And even if these are real, there’s no one who is ever going to accept these – at any establishment.

AVERY:
(grabbing the bills away)
We’ll just see about that, won’t we.

DIANA:
He’s right. Everyone will just think this is funny money.

MATT:
So, we’re stuck here? Forever?

AVERY:
(searching her purse)
Hey! Wait!
(holds up a card)
What about our credit cards? Does this town have a bank machine?

JUNIOR:
DAD!!!

AVERY:
Guess not.

DIANA:
Forget it. Looks like we’re really stuck here. And by here, I mean – 1955. Doesn’t really matter where we are, we’re a long way from Mom and Dad. And they are never coming.

(Modern kids are hit heavy with this thought.)

AVERY:
At least we have each other.

(AVERY puts her hands on Matt and Diana’s backs.)

SAMANTHA:
So you’re going to stay, then, right?

DIANA:
It’s not like we have a choice.

(Modern kids follow Samantha and Junior SL. Lights dim.)

SCENE 3: same room, lights come back up

(50s family and modern kids all enter from SR, Henry now with a suit jacket, Matt without his bandana.)

MEREDITH:
Who’s going to help me get dinner ready?

DIANA:
I’ll help.

JUNIOR:
Me, too.

HENRY:
Let me hang up my suit jacket first!

(Meredith blows Henry a kiss. Henry acts like the kiss hits him in the cheek and he almost falls over.)

AVERY:
Yeah, I’m sure that never gets old.

(Meredith, Diana, Junior and then Henry exit SL. Matt quickly finds and puts on his sweatband.)

NANCY:
At least we convinced Matt to take off his bandana for church.

AVERY:
Matt should totally get rid of the headband altogether. It’s just wrong.

NANCY:
I totally agree.

LINDSAY:
I totally agree.

MATT:
I wear it so sweat doesn’t pour into my eyes and blind me.

NANCY:
Ew!

LINDSAY:
Ew!

AVERY:
Even when you’re NOT playing sports? Does it make you feel macho?

NANCY:
Does it make you fit in with the athletes?

MATT:
YOU only wear stuff to fit in with the fashionistas!

AVERY:
Maybe.

LINDSAY:
Maybe.

NANCY:
We can still be in style, AND be good friends.

AVERY:
Totally. We’re totally BFF’s.

LINDSAY:
We’re totally–
(stopping, perplexed)

AVERY:
BFF stands for “best friends forever.” Get it?

MEREDITH:
(entering and singing out)
Dinner is ready!

(All exit SL as lights dim.)

SCENE 5: same room, lights come back up

(As all enter, Matt holds stomach again. Junior brings an encyclopedia to the table to study.)

MATT:
Thank you, Mrs. W. Another awesome meal. I wish you could teach my mom how to cook.

MEREDITH:
(aside to Henry)
Oh, this is so heart wrenching. They still think they have parents.

HENRY:
(to Meredith)
Say! It’s a lovely day for a walk. Wanna go?

MEREDITH:
I would love to.

HENRY:
Children, your mother and I are going for a walk.

AVERY:
To where?

HENRY:
Just – going out - for a walk.

AVERY:
Huh! Well, have fun with that. But, I guess you really WILL have fun with that.

MEREDITH:
(to Henry)
I just cannot help but wonder what these poor children have all gone through.

(Meredith and Henry exit SR.)

MATT:
(quickly to Samantha)
Challenge you to a game.

SAMANTAH:
Challenge accepted!

(Samantha growls and follows Matt out SR. Avery looks at Nancy and Lindsay.)

AVERY:
Say, why don’t we dress up Lindsay? Since she wants to be a fashionista so badly.

NANCY:
Sounds like a blast!

LINDSAY:
(unsure)
Sounds like a blast?

(Nancy, Avery and Lindsay exit SL. Diana sits down at the table and stares at Junior to get his attention.)

DIANA:
I see your little sister is slowly falling into the stylized trappings of the world, which will only reinforce a social deprivation of inner development as the fashion metamorphosis takes hold.

JUNIOR:
“Metamorphosis” is an abrupt change to one’s biological nature, rarely seen in humans. It would require a much greater power than oneself to incorporate a brand-new persona. Like what they discussed in church, today.

DIANA:
Unless hypnotized. Although, that’s more the power of suggestion and only successful if the subject is willing.

JUNIOR:
There is a systematical process where groups or individuals can use unethically manipulative methods of persuasion.

DIANA:
Brainwashing. Yes. Similar to the catatonic state of mind, when an emotional syndrome develops after metabolic disturbances.

JUNIOR:
Based on the studies of Karl Ludwig Kahlbaum.

DIANA:
What is your source of information?

JUNIOR:
What else? Newspapers and books.
(motioning to the encyclopedia in his hands)
And we have a complete set of encyclopedias.

DIANA:
Is that like the Wikipedia or AI? Never mind. Tons of information is found on the internet accessed through- ugh. What was I thinking! As I said yesterday, everyone will have access to the internet with all sorts of devices.

JUNIOR:
Well, right now, we access information from books, like this, found in libraries.

DIANA:
But did you know that man will one day walk on the moon?

JUNIOR:
Interesting. Because I know that reaction engines discharge a fast moving jet fluid to generate thrust by jet propulsion.

DIANA:
(silence, then resignedly)
I did not know that... Do you know anything about subterranean energy and nutrient fluxes?

JUNIOR:
...No.

DIANA:
Neither do I.

JUNIOR:
So - we can both admit that we don’t – know - everything?

DIANA:
Yes. But can we determine who knows the most?

JUNIOR:
I KNOW that would be very difficult to determine with complete accuracy.

DIANA:
I concur. I believe that we are both smart.

JUNIOR:
So we don’t HAVE to spend all our time proving it?

DIANA:
Exactly. We could spend some of the time doing – I don’t know – normal things – that other people do...

JUNIOR:
...I will have to look into that.

(Diana and Junior both scramble to look into this - both reaching for the encyclopedia.)

DIANA:
We ARE the same!
(after staring at each other for a while)
It’s like looking into a mirror.

(Diana and Junior keep staring, then both freak out, gasping and ew’ing. Diana stands up and waves her hands back and forth, like trying to shake something off. As she begins to calm down, Meredith and Henry enter.)

HENRY:
We’re back. Did you miss us?

JUNIOR:
You were gone?

HENRY:
Oh, before I forget, we passed by the Wilsons. Bobby mentioned something about playing chess.

(Junior nods, as Meredith and Henry settle down on the sofa and Samantha and Matt come in, panting.)

SAMANTHA:
Those were good games.

MATT:
You’re definitely improving. I mean, you are really good.

SAMANTHA:
You mean, for a girl!

MATT:
No, I mean, you’re really good.

MEREDITH:
It’s just so unladylike.

SAMANTHA:
Mom, I like basketball, okay?

MATT:
(shrugging)
I don’t know. There are lots of female athletes who are still – lady–like.

(Nancy, Avery and Lindsay enter from SL. Lindsay looks like a little clone of Nancy, which includes wearing a scarf.)

NANCY:
So? What do you think?

MEREDITH:
Oh my, aren’t you all dolled up and snazzy.

HENRY:
But, she’s a little young to be dressing like that, don’t you think?

NANCY:
It’s just dress up.

LINDSAY:
It’s just dress up.

AVERY:
But you know, if you just stopped trying to copy people and just - be yourself –

DIANA:
Ha! Like you?

MEREDITH:
Well, I completely agree that you should always try to be yourself.

DIANA:
By THINKING for yourself. It’s an excellent idea to learn how to think and speak for yourself. And THAT is how you can be yourself.

MEREDITH:
I never thought of that before. It sounds good. But, darling, of course, we love YOU – just for who you are.

AVERY:
I agree. And if some people don’t like you for who you are, there’ll be people who LOVE you for who you are. So why not be yourself?

LINDSAY:
(removing the scarf)
Why NOT be yourself? I mean I SHOULD be myself! The skirt and blouse are okay, but this scarf has to go. It’s so not me! And I totally have things that I want to say. Sooo, ah, when I think of something, I - will – say it!

AVERY:
There you go! See? You’re an awesome kid!
(looking around)
And I actually kind of, really like all of you, you know? You’ve all taught us so much. And you introduced us to church. Was not expecting that.

JUNIOR:
(very thoughtfully)
You have all taught us a few things, too.

(ALL look around and nod in agreement.)

DIANA:
You are a very nice family.

MATT:
(very sadly)
Yeah, this is great.

HENRY:
But then, what’s with the gloomy faces?

AVERY:
I really miss home. It’s hard to believe that the only way to get home has been closed off.

(Diana sadly nods and looks at the cabinet, until-)

DIANA:
Wait a minute. When we tried going back into the cabinet, we did not close the curtains.

MATT:
You’re right! That first time, I got in last and closed the curtains.

DIANA:
Should we give that a try?

AVERY:
It couldn’t hurt.

DIANA:
Well, if this really works, I have to say, I will really miss you all.

AVERY:
(to Nancy)
I finally found a REAL bff – and now – I’ll probably never see you again.

MATT:
(to Samantha)
Good luck with your basketball. Don’t ever give up!

HENRY:
You’re all really great kids. With really – swell imaginations.

MEREDITH:
Oh, and I – just – well I think – that I – I’m just going to cry. I love you children so much. But - go – do – whatever it is that you have to. And maybe one day, you do not have to live in such a pretend world.

(They all hug, then the modern kids start for the cabinet. Lindsay sees Avery’s purse and rushes it over to her.)

LINDSAY:
Oh! Don’t forget your purse! And – this gizmo-cell-thing!

AVERY:
Oh, right. I pretty much forgot all about that.

(As Diana starts to follow Avery into the cabinet, Junior looks away and sees the laptop. Junior grabs the laptop and hands it to Diana.)

JUNIOR:
Wait, if you’re really going anywhere, you might need this laptop, which I do not fully understand, yet!

DIANA:
Someday you will. In like, 20 to 30 years from now.

(Samantha hands Matt the basketball.)

SAMANTHA:
Here you go, Hound Dog.

MATT:
Thanks, Tiger.

(Samantha growls playfully. Avery, Diana, then Matt climb into the cabinet and Matt closes the drapes. The 50s Family stands by, waiting, just like before. As Nancy twirls her hair, Lindsay is about to copy, but then does something else. Finally, Henry gets down to peek behind the curtain.)

HENRY:
They’re – actually gone.

MEREDITH:
Oh, I’m so sad and happy all at the same time.

SAMANTHA:
See! They weren’t crazy after all.

JUNIOR:
NOBODY would believe this.

HENRY:
And that is why we will never speak of this, to anyone.

MEREDITH:
And to think I wanted you take out this ugly cabinet.

(50s family stands silently, thinking. Finally...)

HENRY:
Well, come on everyone, let’s help your mother prepare supper.

(as 50s family exit SL, Henry pats Meredith on the back tenderly. Lights dim slightly.)

SCENE 6: same room, lights stay dim

(Eventually Matt, Diana and Avery crawl out and slowly look around quietly, listening.)

AVERY:
I think it worked.

(Matt, Diana and Avery suddenly group hug with great excitement, then pull away with an awkward “we’ve never done that before.”)

MATT:
Oh! What if we went to a different year?

(They listen again, then hear Mom and Dad’s voices outside, still arguing.)

MOM’S VOICE:
You’re finally back?!

DAD’S VOICE:
You thought I would abandon you?

(Relieved, kids go into a jubilant group hug again.)

MOM’S VOICE:
We’re still waiting for that moving truck! And you got Chinese?!

(Kids step out of the hug listening to parents.)

DAD’S VOICE:
THAT was the closest takeout place.

MOM’S VOICE:
Avery is NOT going to be happy.

(Matt and Diana both look at Avery, expecting a complaint.)

AVERY:
(matter-of-factly)
It’s okay. I’m totally fine with it.

MATT:
Come on, let’s go help Mom and Dad.

(Diana, Avery and Matt put their precious items down and rush excitedly to exit SR.)